WAKE UP!

The chimes so faint, it tickled(8:28 AM)

His ears and so wake did he…

To behold the peace of twilight

Soft voices did whisper to him…

He stepped out into the moonlight

The breeze slowly caressing his soul,

Stars smiling from vast clear skies,

Felt the peace – in the silence of night

And across the moonlit horizon

Signs of life – twittered in delight,

He smiled – at the joy of living,

For such beauty did he witness…

He sat down on the moist green grass,

Breathing – each breath adding new life,

It was now that he noticed the difference

As soft whispers now gave way to screams…

The cold floor – screams echoing…

Sliced through his peaceful slumber

Now conscious, he sat up aright

The screams kept throbbing inside

He staggered out to the darkness

The cold wind gnawing at he

He stood with screams of darkness

Floating in a sky of dust…

Across the burning horizon,

Lay carnage, tainted by hell…

He howled in the face of truth,

For such lies in dreams did he see

He broke down onto broken mortar

Dark smoke – choking each breath,

Now the screams consumed his agony

It now whispered – wake UP(8:50)

Void Thought

30/7/07

pUTdOwn

The receding light made patterns(7:25 AM)

Reflecting off the wet horizon…

I could see – lying there in the dirt,

Irony of this condescending phase…

The shadows crept closer – menacing

The air grew colder – thoughts disheveled

Cold wind did flicker the flame within

And then it was all over, the fire was out…

The darkness around danced to melancholy

Tunes of lament that could purge the soul

And on that cold night, under the naked sky

The body turned cold…and then settled down…

Then came peace – I was floating beyond…

Where trivial darkness could not me pursue

But within, I felt not peace, I felt not joy,

For all fairness of life, I should not be put down,

Enslaved by morbid thoughts – tied up

Torn to shreds by a thousand vultures

Left to rot where nay shall ever find…

That there was reason – twas not my time…

The peace slowly began to fade away…

A feeling so heavy it thence drew me down

Placid cold did then – so penetrate

I would have died, if not already so…

The pain returned searing within

For a vital moment time did stop

Broke out a spark – cold body within

I opened by eyes to witness – BEYOND!

The shadows of darkness – surprised, stared

Then sneered – moved closer for the final kill

Screams to fury did ensue from within…

NOW…NOT MY TIME…I WONT BE PUT DOWN(7:45 AM)

Void Thought

30/7/07

I am not God

I stare into the woods; the breeze picking up its pace and soon the sounds that it brought along enveloped my conscience. I breathe…trying to let it all go and I tell myself… "I am not little enough to be perturbed by the winds". The winds of time change their tune and I try to make space for all the new things that the wind had brought along with her the way that I always do…Make way and take in all of it – in one single go. But this time, it was different… the volume that I had to take in left me aghast, shocked at all that had come along my way this time…But until this day the when did blow east screeching in its fury and anger there did always exist a breeze due west that made me feel I could take it all…I try to forget it all and perceive the world as I see in what I believed was 'A larger sight'. But fail did I this time…Ah! Yes it did…unexpectedly – yes, for never had I even in my wildest of dreams expected something so drastic and out of the blue…I was I had believed "Not little enough to be beaten…to lose" but aye, so wrong was I…for I had underestimated the strength of the wind and it blew down – raining me with the rubble from the ruins that had come in its path. The cold stones cut into my flesh, making me bleed and for a second I felt better, the warm blood flowing across my skin and I tried yet again to convince myself… I said "I wasn't so little to let go … to give up". And then, as I lay there amidst the restless dust, I waited for the sun to rise and slowly felt the cold bite into my wounds…making them bleed anew…

And finally realization struck and with the feel of the cold rocks against my face, I let it all go…and broke down sobbing helplessly…for you see I had finally accepted that "I AM NOT GOD!!!"

Paramour

The sun rose up to greet the expanse of the green blanket, breaking into a kaleidoscope of colors. As life began to stir, time was punctuated by the rhythmic thuds of metal on wood. The sounds echoed through the woods, waking up all forms of life…Little birds chirped in enthusiasm as they moved in groups, drawing up complex patterns across the pale blue sky. The trees began to hum with the breeze maintaining resonance with nature…The sounds continued to emanate from the middle of the dark green woods. And then, as warm daylight washed over the lands – we could see him, hacking away at the wood with his rusty axe. He was what he seemed to any ordinary pair of eyes – a woodcutter. As he stood surrounded by chunks of wood, we could all see that there was nothing special about the way he looked. I’m sure if you’d been here you’d have said – “Well, He’s a woodcutter who cuts wood”. Aye, so did I till the day his life changed forever…It was a bright and beautiful day, much like the present one. Little did he know of the events that were to follow of that fateful day that would turn the course of his thoughts, the direction of his path…He was cutting wood as usual, completely at peace with himself, glad at being able to hold his axe with both hands and feel the satisfaction that coursed through him each time his axe bit into the wood. If there was one thing about him that is worth mentioning at his point, it was his eyes. He had very bright eyes, ones that reflected a feeling of knowledge and confidence, radiating intelligence. I think this was further accentuated by the fact that the rest of him seemed so commonplace that when you looked at him, the eyes seemed to emblazon the moment. He was chopping away oblivious to his surroundings when the rustle of leaves made him look up. She stood there enveloped in the light, radiating a sheen that he’d never seen before…The aura about her made him stop for a second and stare open-mouthed. He hadn’t come across anything that radiated beauty in so many different ways all at once. Her serene face mirrored a tranquility that seemed unreal…he stared at this lovely creature with whose presence he had been blessed and felt a warmth envelop him that made his insides shiver in excitement. He looked at her unblemished face and was surprised to see a crease on her fair forehead. He was still unsure as to what he was feeling about her, but something urged him on to try and help her….He didn’t even know what he was after but at that moment nothing else mattered. He looked into her dark brown eyes, his own radiating confidence like never before…she looked away for a moment and then she was gone…He waited patiently and when the sun rose the next day morning, she appeared again – unleashing in him another surge of emotions that amazed him… The moment pulled on over several days, but time was not continuous for him anymore…the only times that mattered to him were the ones where she made her entrance into his monotonous sordid form of existence. Then one day, as they looked into each other’s eyes, her face broke into a smile. He felt a pebble drop into the bottom of his heart, the splash blinding him with joy. He stared, lost at her pale clear face with moist eyes radiant with life in communion with the sad but confident smile and for the first time turned away from her feeling so full of emotion that he couldn’t even feel the earth beneath his feet. The next moment she was gone…but all had been said tacit. The rest of the day drifted as in a haze and he was still unable to accept what he had seen in her eyes, in the eyes of his ‘Princess of Light’. It seemed impossible…but yes…he had seen it in her eyes…it was true…She’d loved him too…He lay near the river staring up at the full moon adorned by stars, thanking the heavens for bringing her into his life…It was then that he saw the large lonely moon smiling down at him…He smiled back thinking about how the moon was so beautiful and wondered where it would be if not for the sun…For could the moon serve a purpose if the sun did not shower a dash of her beauty onto the moon?...These thoughts consumed his conscious and as the complete reality of life struck him, he felt his head spin out of focus and his vision was clouded by the stars and the moon before it finally faded away to darkness….

As the sun rose up bright as ever the next morn, an empty patch of woods greeted her in solitude with an axe studded into a half-broken trunk. The breeze blew faster than usual, the birds chirped louder, all of life seemed restless and nature seemed to be drenched in anxiety… The sun shone brighter that day than it ever had, the daylight lasting until life itself was tired of work, and trees sighed, exhausted…Slowly the sun fell away and a melancholic aura was left looming over the lands…

As the stars came out that night, the moon was missing and out came he from the darkest caves that lay hidden in the midst of the lands…battered and bleeding within…His heart screaming in agony…But he smiled a brave smile and collapsed to the floor, for he knew that she was ‘The princess of light’ while he ‘only a woodcutter’ …The moon can never meet the sun…nor can he be a part of she…Thus faded his thoughts into the dark skies while his tears blended with the soft soil on which he lay…

The sun rose the next morning and the birds moved across the horizon making an intricate design upon the skies and a familiar thud of metal off wood echoed out of the woods…

Silver lining

The darkness faded away – renewing my sight, (7:07 PM)
I blinked - confused at the brightness beside,
Felt my body devoid of the scars of my past,
Relish the warmth that did radiate inside…

I moved about in wonder for so light did I feel,
Try accept this new form, so complete, surreal
Fear of the sounds of my dreaded past did fade
As my ears did open to new sounds all around

I smiled for a second, as the traces from my past
Trickled away into oblivion at my newfound path
My face crinkled for a second, as thoughts flit by
And then I could see it all, transfixed in time…

Sight was but clouded by shades black and grey,
Time was yet static, playing a boisterous game
For blind was I made by ugly patterns of fate
Even traces of faith had been – ‘aye’ in vain

Phases when darkness and gloom prevailed,
When the echoes of the cries did linger inside…
Encroached by shadows, forfeited by sight
Lain had I cheated, soiled – defeated by time,

You came as the flame – that lit up my skies,
Bleed into the darkness, bleaching it white
Struck at the shadows, like bright little stars
Did light up in my eyes – streaks of insight



Your faith in my form - scarred barely alive
Made me do something I’d so long left by…
Somehow you knew, what I needed to hear
To learn how to dream, hope and live anew

As the last of the darkness flitted across,
I remember my last sight of your pure face,
So serene and so brave – yet childish, lost
Before I was sent to this haven beyond life,

Somehow I know – a day shall you come
Free of the binding that holds you back
I sit on the sand staring up at the sun,
Waiting for the day, you’d be by my side (8:10 PM)


Void Thought
3rd March 2007

Tagged....hmm interesting concept

TEN FAVOURITES

Colours:Mauve,Turqoise,grey/gray
Food: Hmm...I'll have to write another post for this one...
Songs: Unwell(Matchbox twenty), Ariel,Innervision,LP, Nothing(that IS a song btw)....and... and... and...
Movie: All animated flicks(too many to pick), Gladiator(amazing piece of work)
Sport:Well, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I mean, Hmmm, aaahh well...(Aaargh)
Season: One that corresponds to the state of my psyche..
Day Of the week: Weekday
Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate(Bitter bitter mmmm... Hold on I gotta get myself one)
Aaaah thats better!
Time of Day: Twilight, 1-3AM..amazing period...its a time when I rule...alone!

EIGHT CURRENTS

Mood: Transitive
Taste: Blood(bit my tongue during dinner...was eating too fast)
getup: After food my clothes wouldn't fit...so you realllly don wanna know.
music: Just silence....the tunes of the void beyond...
book: Rite now, umm lemme see a couple of christies and yeah the p book that nim picked up...Sophie's world...
pic on desktop: It says "DONT SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER - ENCODING IN PROGRESS"
longing for: More freaks!!:D
weather: Blissful


SIX FIRSTS

memory: Leaves, trees
fav food: Lady's finger/Okra/Bhindi/...(Still is)
Pet:A squirrel...I forgot his name actually...or was it a her..?
drink: Air
Cigarette: Hmmm...thats a tough one...
Movie: Some freaky Sci-fi movie that I saw all alone into the nite...its about this kid who gets taken away by this freaky spaceship...damn it gave me nitemares for a decade...

SIX LASTS

Cigarette: (cough cough) what? aaahhh
Drink: Warm breeze
Car ride: Last week 2 AM ring road...
Movie Seen: Click
Phone Call: incoming?(None for like ever...hee hee) outgoin - Squirt
Last Book Read: The inscrutable americans...(hilarious)


HAVE YOU EVER

Broken the Law: The law? hee haa haa haa I write the law....
Been Arrested: Yeah! Definitely! I mean what what the question again?
Been on TV: Nope...Star movies begged me to host the opening night for Ring2 but I decided to let them live until the movie came out...
Lied: Lie? Me? Could I lie?(I dont even know what that bad word means!)
Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Not that cruel, I don't want to assasinate strangers for nothin!


FIVE THINGS

You're Wearing: Not a good idea...hee hee

You've Done Today:
Well...
1.Spoke to nim and x just like old times...after looong time
2.Felt the happeist moments of 2007 so far...things seem to be falling into place.
3.Finished another borring ccna exam.
4.Went out for dinner...*burp*...I can barely sit straight
5.Allowed both nim and rad to take snaps of me...(nooooo! I'm ruined!!!!)

You Can Hear Right Now:My processor fan, my mum breathing 10 feet away...(:D), my harddisk, Wierd giggling sounds in my head...(I think its an after effect of spending too much time with the p gang)

You Can't Live Without: My mind, my faith, the ones that I love(man thats a loong list!), my books, my computer....hee hee

You Do When You're Bored:
-Think.(But I'm hardly ever bored coz then I start thinkin bout why I'm bored)
-Go over the whole day like a movie in my head.
-Conjure up ideas for writing new things.
-Read...
-Find people and tranfer my boredom...at the end of it all they just wanna kill themselves and I walk away elated...hee hee

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY
College,Nandini palace(man that was good food),Corner house(The chocolate ice cream)


THREE PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
Squirt, Dev, and the P ppl(more like one person hee hee)


TWO CHOICES

1. Faith

2. Trust


ONE THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Find out how the economy of china functions...ha ha
(Actally I wanna be able to see the next 24 hours in my life after my death so I want to figure out a way to do that b4 i die)

Hey Brat!, thanks for making me do this...With all that mention of cigs I just might start ...

Freedomé

The sounds grew softer then,
I smiled wider, absorbed by time…
Soon as the dust settled down,
I stood alone – transfixed in glee,

Sight faded into the void beyond,
And the earth rose up to meet me,
There on the sweet smelling earth
My mind wandered to times bygone.

To days gone far by, another era,
Aye, swirling in thoughts was I,
Engulfed by the mind, the world,
Devoid of meaning abetted by fate,

In the midst of a gale, I stood lost,
Blind, but for the moment at hand
Unsure of the sounds that perched,
Jeering, waiting for failure to rise…

Then, before cognition could sink in,
Gales weakened to winds, fell away.
Replaced by a breeze, unnatural calm,
Leaving me lost, curiously – uneasy…

The breeze was moist, refreshingly soft,
With uncanny knack, it instilled inside,
Such warmth that it set my senses aglow,
Stirring up emotions, lay hidden inside…

Little leaves in the breeze gave me insight,
Showed me myself, from a different side,
Made me believe I could do what I’d not,
Thus, little leaves, evolve did my psyche

Then one fine day, I heard whispers in the air,
A voice that told me of lands beyond my reach,
It taught me to dream and then slowly believe,
Of a land so beautiful, it could shame paradise…

I was lost in the breeze, the leaves and the voice…
For the dream of freedom, did dissolve my mind,
And I pranced about feeling, that all was right…
I ignored like a fool, signs showing me true sight

I knew within, deep inside - I was still yet myself,
Naught can zephyrs, leaves or soft voices evade
What I was, for you see – they knew not what I
And soon came the day, they could take no more…

The breeze still so moist, veered out of my path…
Little leaves perturbed, drifted higher – up above
The voice faltered, weakened - almost faded away
For a second, I stood aghast – time stood static.

The sands of time, turned it course around,
And I found myself staring as it faded away
The breeze began to fade and voice subside,
I was left with but traces of last few leaves,

My mind swam back to the cold sweet earth
As I lay there I realized, it was not a dream,
For in me still did persist whims of my past,
Traces drawn out of the my friends foregone

As I lay there listening to the return of the gale,
Rage of the wind, familiar sneers echo about,
I realized for the first time, what I had found,
From my past I was finally – completely free…


16th Feb 2006
Manas R Moothedath

Celesté

It was a cool summer night when I’d gone out for a walk and I was – as usual, ‘jobless’. I was just pondering about how useless my life was when I saw her in the sky. I’m not sure as to what made her notice her, amidst the array of all the bright twinkling stars that surrounded her, but I was for a second amused – curious to find out the reason for her uniqueness. For there she lay creating an intricate pattern amidst her kind. The thing that struck me about her was the fact that she shone with a constant dull glow and did not twinkle like the other stars around her and before I knew it I’d begun talking to her. She was a little shy at first and hardly used to talk at all and it was quite some time later that she began to warm up to me and felt free to talk. She said that she was lost and alone, ‘unwanted’, she claimed herself to be…I was amused at first, unsure of what she expected of me. I was no philosopher, I was no guide. I didn’t even have my own life in control. But something about her drove me on – urging me to at least try. We spent months together talking, about everything around the skies – from the sun to the galaxies and all the other planets around. She kept asking me things that sometimes left me at a loss…for after all I was only human and SHE was the star , whether she saw it or not. But I didn’t want to let her down, I didn’t want to give up, thus I made myself try harder to answer her and search deeper within myself for ideas. With each new meeting out bond grew stronger, helping me grow focused and her glow brighter. We hardly noticed time fly by and soon we were woven into our own busy lives. Years later – I look up at the sky I see a star shining brighter than all the rest that filled up the expanse above smiling down at me. I smiled – for I had helped her see herself and she had given me purpose. Now I walk about looking above – searching for another little dull star… …

Zeal of life

I was born in a land eons ago – long before you came, (4:28)
A time when life had just begun, first paces of its game
Winds then sang the tunes of love, life devoid of hate,
Even I – the spirit of blessed life, couldn’t control fate…

Seasons changed, life moved on spurring vibrant change,
Animals came to rule the lands, twas’ life’s crude exchange
Green leaves and vibrant petals thus moved aside in peace,
Paving a path for the stronger race to rule the lands on lease…

I witnessed the new forms of life, pondering with a frown,
Unsure of this new emotion, the hunger of the new form
The animals spread out in ease, crushing the world I knew,
With each blow that they landed, I was left bruised anew

The water soon began to dry; the winds began to ease,
Did so arise the thought–“Weaker forms should cease”
Animals divided themselves and species came to be,
A glimpse of coming horror, the world didn’t then see

Change – the base of growth, change the world was made,
For love began to weaken and sweet songs began to fade
In such times did new creatures, two legged came to be,
New powers inside them, sparking – hope to set pain free

Spread faster than the wind, might greater than I’d seen,
Powers extraordinaire, with thought blessed they’d been
Like a storm came he, for such cunning thoughts had he,
Before life could react, supreme ruler he’d claimed to be

Witnessing the carnage of man, pain did surge through me,
With his greed and sorrow, he unleashed the world with hate
Then turn did he to his own kind, no sign of greed’s abate,
He satisfied his hunger, feeding from each spare plate

Divide did he to pieces, every last ounce he’d with a knife
He believed he owned it all and shed blood to conquer life
In his frenzy to rule – did he opportune the evil of war,
And while he bled his brothers, did I bleed with him afar

And now I stand a cripple, drenched in the blood of life,
At the weakness I wonder – when I would cease to be…(9:00 PM)

Manas R Moothedath
7th Jan 2007

Sparkle

I smile – setting my face aglow,(3:54 AM)
Still smiling, I think back of times
When life wasn’t singing a tune
When smiles never reach the eyes,

I smile wider as I think of you,
Your enthusiasm – joy for life,
Most of all – my favorite part,
Your amazing, disarming smile,

I look around searching for you,
And in the midst of crowd I find
Something amiss – I couldn’t see
You – for me, you were your smile

I look around, for that special light,
That lit up your face – essence of life
I wonder where it could have gone,
Knew – can’t hide true beauty long

And then I found you hidden behind,
A face that seemed to be hardly yours
For what I got to see – what I witnessed
Was but a shadow of brightness bygone

I know not what could be pricking your heart,
That casts such a shadow across iridescent light,
Pardon me, But you see selfish am I – utterly so
I shall not let you deprive me of pure joys of life,

I know not your dreams and know not your pain,
In fact I couldn’t even say that I know what you be…
But one thing I do know and that I declare to thee
I’m in love with your smile – which you can see,

For shining off my face, my smile bright and true,
Is but a reflection of what you hold within you (4:23 AM)

11 January 2007
Void Thought

Gone in 60 minutes ;)

One fine morning I wake up and find, (8:00 AM)
An email from god that said “Ahem”
Surprised, I open it up to then find,
4 words inside, “One hour to live”

One hour!? #$%#%WHAT??$%^&(!
Oh my god! Oh god! Oh my! Went I,
What do I do? Aaargh, I was lost,
A few minutes spent cursing my fate,

I remembered that my clock was ticking away,
I set an alarm on my watch and sat to think,
Taking a deep breath, I tried to keep calm
The calmer I seemed, the more confused I got,

Trying a different approach, I ran between rooms,
Thinking of all the things that I wanted to do,
For never had I thought that I would be found,
Trying to figure the last wishes before death,

Should I call up my friends, I asked myself.
No! Thought I, for it was too late for that
Should I read one last book, I pondered,
Discarded the idea – had no books so short,

Then my head was hoarded with what to do,
By now I had started to feel, slightly mad,
A beep on my watch did thence interrupt,
Alarming me, for I’d lost half of my time

Phew! Damn! I told myself – exhausted
Man! Waiting for death seemed so tough,
That’s when I had an amazing brainwave,
There in my eyes shone the perfect release,

Lying on my glass tea-table beside,
Was a pizza brochure – idea sparked!
I’d spend last few moments of my life,
Eating a pizza – Life’s greatest delight,

I then put through my call frantically,
Blurting, I wanted the best that they had,
Topped by each delicious topping they had
Layered by all of their choicest of cheese

I sat down on a chair, pretence of calm
Drumming my fingers, waiting for food,
The funniest thing – the thought of pizza
Shut out the fear inside of oncoming doom

I wondered for a second as to how it’d end
Would it be a quake? Tsunami? A Storm?
My mind drifted back to my last treat
Mm.., I could smell the cheese in the crust

Then I broke out of my reverie, stared at the clock,
Just a few minutes to spare, my food wasn’t there
My mind exploded in fury towards the pizza guy,
I decided – NO WAY” was I paying this guy,

That was when the bell rang breaking the thought,
In eager anticipation, I then ran towards my door
But alas, I saw not the step, last thing that I saw
Was the edge of my table right in front of my eyes!

As my consciousness then slowly faded away
I half laughed as I realized a pizza killed me!(9:30 AM)

4th Jan 2007
Void Thought

Paradise – Where?

(6:28 PM)I was not a child – nor could I be, for every second since I’d discovered myself I’ve felt lost in time. I lived in a world spun off my dreams and in those hidden layers, truth I did find. I guess a child they could call at the age when I did, start hearing the voices that kept me aroused. For each night as blue clouds drank in grey, and then as the sky shed all its brightness away, I stared at the skies, far past what eyes could see and there amidst the stars had I woven my secret place to be. For now I was trapped in this world where I be, for none but the voices that spoke could see, how there could be a land beyond human sight. One day I realized that a path I should find, for from the edge of this world, a way there shall be. And thence shall I rise, above and move on – encompass the light, and ‘one’ with life shall I be one. I spent countless hours searching in vain, until shades of black and grey absorbed my sight. As I lay exhausted on the gravel path that lay ahead, I saw a bright light – mauve rising above. In a flash it rose to the stars up above and then broke into specks of vibrant delight. I stared up above – enlightened inside, for somehow I knew, that now I could find the path that shall take me my way. But the years went on and so did I – slowly numbed by the silence around. The voices remained urging me on, not letting me sleep, not letting hope die. My visions grew more complex almost taunting me now, sneering at my failure to find my own path to my land. Finally I could take it no more, exhausted and defeated I realized I’d tried too hard and had still lost my way. I stared up looking at the stars at night, trying to convince myself that it was not an illusion and not some mean game of my mind. My quest had taken me far – beyond all seven seas and thence finally did I return to the start. But, shocked was I to find my gravel path was not be found. The place from where I’d begun was lost – far from gravel, I could see not soil at all. Nor could I find the dust in the air and the barren lands adorned by stones. The sharp stones had given way to life’s soft touches in kind. Green lush lands had swallowed the path, leaving no gap for even doubt to get past. As I stared across the green fields around, I stood silent for a second wondering in awe as to whose land I had come to.., Then, I saw her – her hair blowing out wild, peering at me from behind her black curtain with a shy smile and moist eyes. I stood for a second amazed to witness the person who’d painted this world from scratch, given life to my powerless dreams. I smiled back glad to find that in the quest of truth I wasn’t alone and lay down on the grass. Slowly the voices that had kept me awake – faded away and I fell asleep finally – as I drifted away I realized that it would end where it all began and it was never too later to reach the end – for here Paradise I’d found at last (7 PM)

4th Jan 2006
Manas R Moothedath

Dance of Life

The place was closing for the night, (5:23 AM)
People were slowing clearing away,
And as I stood there – looking about,
I realized that today, he wont be there,

It was more a month ago when I,
First came upon this place of joy,
I stood there looking at the people,
Scream, dance – lost in their bliss

For you see I was a cripple – yes I was,
My friends say that it was hardly a limp,
I stood in the shadows, unsure of myself
As to whether I’d expose my inadequacy,

That was when he first walked into the place,
A distinguished old man I’d never seen before,
A few last tufts of ash grey hair on a shining head,
Indeed a spectacle was he, in the midst of the youth

My friends and I were shocked to see,
Him move straight towards the dance floor,
Amazed still, I realized what he wanted to do
Then he slowly started off, smiling to himself

I went again the next day just to see it again,
And yes the old man returned to dance,
I stood amazed, as he took the floor apart,
Devoid of my sight, he danced his heart away.

As the days went on, he became one amongst the crowd,
None did stare or pass a word, or even smile at him,
I still stood behind the crowd, looking out beyond,
Until one day I did decide – I’d confront my doubts

I woke up the next day smiling in anticipation,
For I was excited to meet the old man at last,
I looked into the mirror and saw a strange face,
I saw a face so happy, one I’d never seen before.

I went later than usual as I wanted him there,
As I made my entrance, I wanted him to stare.
I smiled at the thought; I’d have my first dance
The things I’d say to him went across my mind.

And as I got closer, I tried to hear the crowd
But I was surprised to find silence greet me,
For on the dance floor, amidst the silent crowd,
Lay did he static, a final smile transfixed in time.

I stepped back shocked, wanting to get away,
The sight numbed my mind, unable to believe,
I looked one last at him and then slowly smiled
I moved across slowly and then there alone I stood

Tacit we knew what we’d to do and new people joined me there,
And we began the dance of life, while silence churned out tunes (6:10 AM)

Manas R Moothedath
4th Jan 2006

Ace

He slammed the door of his musty apartment and walked about, breathing heavily. His hands were clammy and he was drenched with sweat while his heart was beating so hard he felt its going to jump right out. There were so many complex emotions running through his head that he was scared he’ll end up insane. That brought a smile to his face… “Insane?” “Could an insane person have planned it so cleverly?” “Could an insane person have made sure that nobody would ever know about it?” “Everybody is going to miss ‘nice sweet Ace’ sooo much” he sneered. ‘Ace’ – the name sent a wave of repulsion through his head. Even more so because he was the one who’d come up with that nickname for his best friend, he thought bitterly. Who knew that Ace of all people, the person he’d trusted to be his best friend, the person with whom he had shared all his secrets would do this to him? Could any true friend have ripped another’s life into pieces? And then there was she, she was so beautiful, the most beautiful thing that he’d ever set his eyes upon. Her skin used to glow in the dark – in the night when they used to go for long walks… “Had she known how much he’d loved her?” “Could it be that she was never aware of his emotions?” These thoughts made him hold on for a second and wonder… “Hmm…well it’s too late to think about it now” he reminded himself with a grin. Then the thought of Ace’s handsome face brought the fury back into him…Of course she’d have known. “YES! They were all involved in it.” It’s all a conspiracy, he knew it! He had seen the guilt in their eyes as they pleaded to him, begging him to let them go. He’d looked at her one last time and had smiled that trademark smile of his and at that moment she’d have known that this was what the last moments of life felt like, that it was the end. It was a very quick job actually and would have been a very clean job had Ace not tried to act funny at the last moment… “Oh well, atleast she saw the mutilation of her beloved Ace in front of her” he recollected. She had an utterly futile and lost look in her eyes during those last moments and after that she went real quiet…In fact he was disgusted with himself for ever liking a girl who was so pathetic and was begging for mercy at the time of her end, when she should have been brave enough to accept the penance for her sins…She went next, but hers was a very eventless one. By the time he was half way through, she’d stopped trying…hmmm like it would have made any difference. He looked around now smiling, amused with the whole thing and wondering as to how he could have been so silly to be scared of anything at all. “He’d nothing to be scared of” he reassured himself. In fact after he’d discovered his extra special mind, that was so intelligent and clever, he knew that he’d become invincible. He let out one of his favorite crazy laughs and was staring at the mirror when he noticed that there was a blot of blood on his cheek. This caught him halfway and his smile waned slightly as he carelessly splashed his face with water to wash away the blood. He was surprised to see that the spot was still there, and began to furiously rub it and was alarmed to find it still there. Soon he began to scratch at it frantically – trying to make it go away. His eyes grew larger as he noticed that the blot was becoming bigger slowly, and it was the stinging on his face that finally brought him back and he realized that the blood mark was growing larger because of a cut on his own face. He sat down breathing heavily, the weed in his blood was getting to his head now and he curled up on his couch trying to keep the cold out. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, and as he spread his hands, he touched something under the couch which sent a sharp pain through his hand. He sat up in a hurry wondering what it could be. Slowly he pulled out the culprit and dropped it in horror, because he found himself staring at the large steel knife that he’d picked up after long consideration for the job. It was sparkling clean and reflected his pale face off its polished shining surface. The image of his throwing the blood stained knife over the bridge into the river flitted across his mind. He stumbled out of the house now scared out of his wits, unable to understand these crazy inconsistencies. He felt a push on his back and went tumbling down the stairs, each roll making ugly crunching noises. He hardly felt the pain as he was consumed the confusion of the situation. He slowly dragged himself to his feet and stood there like an animal crouching and he could feel his extra sensory mind switch on. He looked about quickly trying to locate the perpetrator. As he looked about his eyes fell upon a pair of brown shoes just like the ones she’d given Ace. The sense of disbelief almost killed him as he back away trying to get free. Then he realized what was happening…Somehow he’d not managed to kill Ace and Ace was after him to get him… The thrill of excitement lit up his eyes and he started running. He knew pretty boy Ace couldn’t keep up with him. But the footsteps followed effortlessly and the faster he ran, the faster did his follower. Soon he came to the end of a deserted alley and came crashing down to the floor…He let out another hyenical laugh and then there was complete silence…..

Epilogue:
The next morning the milk man’s bike came crashing down on the floor as he crossed his daily alley. For in the middle of the floor lay a young man drenched in his own blood with cuts on his face that looked like he’d been scratched by some animal. The white milk created an eerie scene as it mingled with the pool of blood while the milkman fled the scene unable to bear the atmosphere….
Not too far away, a young couple was having breakfast…The girl looked at he young man and murmured “Ace, Where are your brown shoes?”, the young man grinned “Sorry dear, but I left it at his place last week, I’ll get it back” The young girl continued “Hey! That reminds me, Why do you think he called us yesterday night? Do you think he wanted to meet us?” “What? Uh oh I don’t know we’ll catch up with him later today” replied Ace distractedly and went back to attacking the eggs on his plate with enthusiasm.

Blind

He was blind. Completely-Ironically so (2:31 AM)
For you see he seemed to have it all
All that life could give out free,
He had no reason to dream for more,

But there was (he says) something amiss,
Twas’ not what simple things could fill,
Aye, we used to mock him sometimes so
Laugh at him and his stupid thoughts...

Sometimes all serious he'd chatter away,
Such trash that it ached us not to sneer,
For most of us thought he'd lost it all,
To normal souls, beyond help he'd gone

And then one day did she come our way,
A normal happy person, fresh – full of life,
I mention normal here, particularly here,
Because you see, WE couldn’t surmise,

What a person like her could ever see in him,
The blind freak so totally lost, lacking even basic sense,
We wondered what new things he could tell her,
That she stood his trash for such long times at end

We could understand naught what went on betwixt these two,
One thing was sure as time went on he seemed saner than before,
We mused at his childish naïveté, his silly burst of outright joy,
For they made no sense on a face like his, that used to sulk all day,

And then one day he came along a worried look upon his face,
Curious we asked him what was up? To which he thence replied,
An angel that had shown him light (he said) was caught in a web,
And that now it was his turn, to give back some of what he’d got.

It took us some time to figure that twas her that he spoke about,
For some crazy reason, he believed that she needed his faith,
Faith? Some of us couldn’t help laughing at his stupid silly face
For we couldn’t place what possibly could be wrong with her today..

She seemed a little quieter and that was all I could see,
I couldn’t figure why she didn’t just shrug him away
But no! Went he back to square one – crazy as he’d been,
We shook our heads in pity and got back to normal days,

I sighed at his moving self, a silhouette against the setting sun,
‘Poor kid’ thought I, for blind was he I could see…Can’t you???(3:10 AM)

3rd Jan 2006
Manas R Moothedath

Flight

“Radha! Go get the ball for us!” yelled her brother. Little Radha went scampering after the ball laughing, hoping that her brother would let her do more than just run after the ball. Nobody wanted to play with Radha, her brother was always busy with his friends running around and throwing the ball at each other. Radha didn’t want to play games with the ball. All she wanted to do was fly a wonderful kite. Yes! That’s was she really wanted to do, ever since she lost that magnificent red kite that her uncle had brought her from town, she always longed to fly a beautiful kite like that… There were just a few dozen families in the little village of Silguri. The greatest pride for the people was their post man Ramu who could read English quite well! As little Radha went scampering after the ball, she found that it had run into Kaka’s compound. Kaka was a scary old man whom all the children were scared of…Radha’s brother used to tell her, “Don’t go near Kaka’s house…He eats little children like you for breakfast!” So when Radha came near the old house in the corner of the street across their house, she was scared stiff. But she did not want to disappoint her brother who kept pulling her leg that she was ‘just a little girl’ who was ‘too scared to do anything..’ Radha held her breath and walked past the old creaky wooden gate and looked inside. She was surprised to see how beautiful the garden was that was inside the compound. There were red, yellow, orange, pink, and so many other colors that Radha had never seen before…And Radha stood there staring at the flowers, wonderstruck by its beauty. A haggard voice broke into her reverie and brought her back, “You little girl! What are you doing here?” She turned around shocked, and found herself staring at an old man with hair as white as milk and eyes as black as charcoal staring at her. In his hand he held huge black knife and little Radha had her breath sucked out of her. “No please!” She yelped. “Please don’t do anything to me! I only came to take my brother’s ball” she whimpered. She took a couple of steps backward as he came towering towards her and lifted his hand. Then, just as she thought he was about to strike her, he plucked a lilac flower from a plant nearby and handed it to her. Radha was surprised! She looked up at the old man again and saw that his eyes weren’t black but a dark shade of brown and his hair was a shade of grey and was shining in the sun making it look white…she smiled at him timidly and accepted his extended gift. He smiled down at her, reminding her of her grandpa who went away and never came back when she just a little girl. “T..thank you kaka” she mumbled, collected the ball from the ground nearby and hurried out of the place. Her brother was starting to get worried about her and scolded her when she returned “Where were you Radha? We were searching for you EVERYWHERE!” he said. Radha giggled and told him “I was at Kaka’s house and look what he gave me” smiled Radha and pranced back towards her house as the sun began to set in the horizon. Her brother stared after her shocked at her daring! ‘Hmm… ‘He wondered – ‘maybe he had underestimated his little sister after all…’. As the days rolled by Radha started going to Kaka’s house more frequently. She loved sitting around that beautiful garden and chatting away merrily to Kaka who interrupted in his own subtle way to add a comment and say a few words. It was a Monday evening when she told Kaka about the wonderful red kite that she had gotten from her uncle a year ago and mentioned as to how much she wished she could fly another kite again… When little Radha returned on the next day, Kaka called her “Radha Beti come here…I’ve got something for you”, Radha hopped towards him eager to see what he had…she loved surprises. There behind her favorite red roses lay the biggest kite she had even seen. It was the color that the sky would become after heavy rains for a couple of days in Silguri. It was bigger than the BIGGEST kite she had ever seen. In face she thought that it must have been the beautifullest and biggestest kite in the whole world! She gave Kaka a big hug and screamed out in joy. Kaka told her “Radha beti remember – Life is like a kite, as long as you have the string with you it is the most wonderful experience but, if you let the wind carry it away from you and you lose your grip from the string then it’ll just fly away with the wind…”. “Oh Kaka”, ‘Now I can fly it as High as the aaroplain in the sky” she squealed, hardly listening to his words. “Someday I’ll go in an aaroplain” she added enthusiastically. “It’s an aero plane” he corrected her softly. “Hmm… yes yes you will” added Kaka thoughtfully…

Soon Radha started school and started competing with the brother and new friends is school and Kaka was forgotten…and so was the kite. She worked hard as she’d been told and soon she was at the top of everything in school. She soon moved into the large city of Delhi and started working for a multi-national firm. The little town of Silguri had become a speck of her bygone past and she never thought about it again. She’d come a long way and had worked extremely hard to leave those wretched days behind. Little Radha had now after 20 years grown into a fine young woman with a very determined approach towards life. She was now Mrs. Radha Kulkarni and had a young son named Rohan, who was around 5 years old. Radha rushed out of the office hurrying towards the crowded masses of a hot Delhi evening. She whipped out her N93 and continued on her way, still working on a few things from office. Upon checking her mail she found that she had a reminder from Vivek that it was their son’s birthday the next day. And as he was too busy in New Zealand, he wanted her to get him a nice gift and wish him too. She hurried along to the mall nearby and walked into the toy store. “Show me something for small kids” she murmured to the girl at the reception. “How old Madam?” asked the young girl with a smile. Radha was for a second surprised to find that she couldn’t remember how old Rohan was…”Uhh around five years “she mumbled. She spent a couple of minutes looking at the array of toys that was spread across in front of her and finally just picked up the most expensive thing available and hurried outside…It had begun to drizzle and she hurried to catch a cab. She wanted to reach the airport fast because Rohan was staying with his grandparent for the holidays in Kanpur and if possible she wanted to return the next day afternoon. On her way there, the taxi driver who was an elderly man asked her “Madam…where are you going?” Radha irritated at being disturbed replied “Kanpur. Now could you drive fast please?”. The old man continued “But Madamji, there was a broadcast on the radio that all local flights were delayed due to rain… I don’t think you can make it today”. Radha was quite visibly upset to hear this and just when she was pondering over whether to call up Rohan and apologize for not being able to make it, the old man continued “Would you like to go by bus madam?”. Distracted Radha decided to go along with the driver’s suggestion partly because she was a little embarrassed as not being able to remember her son’s age. And within half an hour she was on a bus on its way to Kanpur. Just when she began to doze off, the bus shook violently and stopped. The driver appeared and said “There is a problem, the bus has fallen into a ditch and it will take a couple of hours to fix it. Please go for a walk, we are in a beautiful village right now”. Radha couldn’t believe her ears. She was exasperated and rushed out of the bus in a gust of anger, the wet mud was slippery and she slipped a little and she dropped her GUCCI handbag. “Great! This is just great!. Of all the places the bus had to break down in this wretched little dirty village“. She checked her cell and cursed her luck upon finding no reception. She walked slowly into the village and stared around at the kids playing in the mud. For some strange reason this brought a smile to her face as she saw one of them running after the ball. And then before she knew it, a sense of tremendous déjà vu came rushing at her and she realized that she was in none other but Silguri itself. The only thoughts that reminded her fondly of the place was an old man who used to talk to her, and without even realizing it, she walked slowly towards the corner of a street and walked into the now tattered courtyard. She smiled at the familiar wooden gate and the gravel on the soil but was shocked to see that the beautiful garden was not there anymore. She turned about and saw an old lady smiling at her. Radha stared at the old woman and asked pointedly “Bua…where is this Kaka who used to live here?” The old lady smiled sadly…”Oh he became dear to god a few years ago. I used to work at his place. One night he went to sleep and did not wake the next day morning…”Radha turned away surprised to find that her eyes were moist. She walked around to the back of the garden and amidst the weed, she saw piece of the most beautiful shade of blue that she’s ever seen. She picked it up with childlike excitement and found that it was the broken remains of what seemed to have been a really beautiful kite. And before she could hold herself back, tears streamed down her face. She sat down on the cold floor and sobbed like little Radha 20 years back. After a long time, she picked herself up and was surprised to see reception on her phone. As she moved towards the bus, she wrote an email to her boss:

Dear Sir,
I have some important family work with my son and will not be available for work for a week and I shall also not be available by phone. Will get back next week.

R K

And then she switched her cell phone off…

2-Jan-07

Alight

Alight

I stare at my watch as minutes ticked by, (23:38 Dec 31 2006)
And here I am walking, yet again at a loss,
I move across deserted, eluding streets,
A chilly breeze – silent was flowing be-side…

I walk along slowly now, staring at the sky above
Shone the moon almost whole, but alas! No stars
The spectacle did bring a smile to my cold little lips
For there was she – shining bright, all alone – like me

Empty streets did greet my path as I drifted through,
I see no life cross my sight as the breeze left me too,
Did lead my legs to a cold bench where I came to rest
And to the sky so empty now – close my eyes did I.

Dreamlike, my mind whirled on churning out thoughts,
Days gone by like images did flit across my blinded sight
Each path I’d crossed, both big and small lit up my heart,
And every single smile I’d held with all love I did befriend

Loose ends that I had tied, all fights that I had fought,
Books that had grown with me, words that I did write
Each dream, each word which I had spelt echoed inside,
Reminding me – I was alive, for not in a dream was I,

Thoughts both good and bad alike did turn about within,
Each thought, dream and sound did fill my mind with doubt,
For did I want it to move on? Ready was I for times to come?
Come tomorrow and then see that new days had come my way?

Fore a thought could get across and bore into my mind,
My eyes lit up – so bright above and with it did the sky
The moon gave way to brighter lights that lit the skies
Silence was shattered – The world did thence come alive

And as I stood staring at the lights that drank the sky,
I heard distant peals of joy – the breeze now did bring,
Each new breath, did rekindle fresh new warmth inside
For now the night had come alive, lost all trace of cold

A vibe of life did flow within, for left amazed was I
A new day born, new times begun, symbol of new life.
I grinned at the moon – and smile did she, now not alone.
Now stood I not alone, as light shone off my pools of sight. (00:06 1st Jan 2007)

Void Thought