Celesté

It was a cool summer night when I’d gone out for a walk and I was – as usual, ‘jobless’. I was just pondering about how useless my life was when I saw her in the sky. I’m not sure as to what made her notice her, amidst the array of all the bright twinkling stars that surrounded her, but I was for a second amused – curious to find out the reason for her uniqueness. For there she lay creating an intricate pattern amidst her kind. The thing that struck me about her was the fact that she shone with a constant dull glow and did not twinkle like the other stars around her and before I knew it I’d begun talking to her. She was a little shy at first and hardly used to talk at all and it was quite some time later that she began to warm up to me and felt free to talk. She said that she was lost and alone, ‘unwanted’, she claimed herself to be…I was amused at first, unsure of what she expected of me. I was no philosopher, I was no guide. I didn’t even have my own life in control. But something about her drove me on – urging me to at least try. We spent months together talking, about everything around the skies – from the sun to the galaxies and all the other planets around. She kept asking me things that sometimes left me at a loss…for after all I was only human and SHE was the star , whether she saw it or not. But I didn’t want to let her down, I didn’t want to give up, thus I made myself try harder to answer her and search deeper within myself for ideas. With each new meeting out bond grew stronger, helping me grow focused and her glow brighter. We hardly noticed time fly by and soon we were woven into our own busy lives. Years later – I look up at the sky I see a star shining brighter than all the rest that filled up the expanse above smiling down at me. I smiled – for I had helped her see herself and she had given me purpose. Now I walk about looking above – searching for another little dull star… …

Ace

He slammed the door of his musty apartment and walked about, breathing heavily. His hands were clammy and he was drenched with sweat while his heart was beating so hard he felt its going to jump right out. There were so many complex emotions running through his head that he was scared he’ll end up insane. That brought a smile to his face… “Insane?” “Could an insane person have planned it so cleverly?” “Could an insane person have made sure that nobody would ever know about it?” “Everybody is going to miss ‘nice sweet Ace’ sooo much” he sneered. ‘Ace’ – the name sent a wave of repulsion through his head. Even more so because he was the one who’d come up with that nickname for his best friend, he thought bitterly. Who knew that Ace of all people, the person he’d trusted to be his best friend, the person with whom he had shared all his secrets would do this to him? Could any true friend have ripped another’s life into pieces? And then there was she, she was so beautiful, the most beautiful thing that he’d ever set his eyes upon. Her skin used to glow in the dark – in the night when they used to go for long walks… “Had she known how much he’d loved her?” “Could it be that she was never aware of his emotions?” These thoughts made him hold on for a second and wonder… “Hmm…well it’s too late to think about it now” he reminded himself with a grin. Then the thought of Ace’s handsome face brought the fury back into him…Of course she’d have known. “YES! They were all involved in it.” It’s all a conspiracy, he knew it! He had seen the guilt in their eyes as they pleaded to him, begging him to let them go. He’d looked at her one last time and had smiled that trademark smile of his and at that moment she’d have known that this was what the last moments of life felt like, that it was the end. It was a very quick job actually and would have been a very clean job had Ace not tried to act funny at the last moment… “Oh well, atleast she saw the mutilation of her beloved Ace in front of her” he recollected. She had an utterly futile and lost look in her eyes during those last moments and after that she went real quiet…In fact he was disgusted with himself for ever liking a girl who was so pathetic and was begging for mercy at the time of her end, when she should have been brave enough to accept the penance for her sins…She went next, but hers was a very eventless one. By the time he was half way through, she’d stopped trying…hmmm like it would have made any difference. He looked around now smiling, amused with the whole thing and wondering as to how he could have been so silly to be scared of anything at all. “He’d nothing to be scared of” he reassured himself. In fact after he’d discovered his extra special mind, that was so intelligent and clever, he knew that he’d become invincible. He let out one of his favorite crazy laughs and was staring at the mirror when he noticed that there was a blot of blood on his cheek. This caught him halfway and his smile waned slightly as he carelessly splashed his face with water to wash away the blood. He was surprised to see that the spot was still there, and began to furiously rub it and was alarmed to find it still there. Soon he began to scratch at it frantically – trying to make it go away. His eyes grew larger as he noticed that the blot was becoming bigger slowly, and it was the stinging on his face that finally brought him back and he realized that the blood mark was growing larger because of a cut on his own face. He sat down breathing heavily, the weed in his blood was getting to his head now and he curled up on his couch trying to keep the cold out. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, and as he spread his hands, he touched something under the couch which sent a sharp pain through his hand. He sat up in a hurry wondering what it could be. Slowly he pulled out the culprit and dropped it in horror, because he found himself staring at the large steel knife that he’d picked up after long consideration for the job. It was sparkling clean and reflected his pale face off its polished shining surface. The image of his throwing the blood stained knife over the bridge into the river flitted across his mind. He stumbled out of the house now scared out of his wits, unable to understand these crazy inconsistencies. He felt a push on his back and went tumbling down the stairs, each roll making ugly crunching noises. He hardly felt the pain as he was consumed the confusion of the situation. He slowly dragged himself to his feet and stood there like an animal crouching and he could feel his extra sensory mind switch on. He looked about quickly trying to locate the perpetrator. As he looked about his eyes fell upon a pair of brown shoes just like the ones she’d given Ace. The sense of disbelief almost killed him as he back away trying to get free. Then he realized what was happening…Somehow he’d not managed to kill Ace and Ace was after him to get him… The thrill of excitement lit up his eyes and he started running. He knew pretty boy Ace couldn’t keep up with him. But the footsteps followed effortlessly and the faster he ran, the faster did his follower. Soon he came to the end of a deserted alley and came crashing down to the floor…He let out another hyenical laugh and then there was complete silence…..

Epilogue:
The next morning the milk man’s bike came crashing down on the floor as he crossed his daily alley. For in the middle of the floor lay a young man drenched in his own blood with cuts on his face that looked like he’d been scratched by some animal. The white milk created an eerie scene as it mingled with the pool of blood while the milkman fled the scene unable to bear the atmosphere….
Not too far away, a young couple was having breakfast…The girl looked at he young man and murmured “Ace, Where are your brown shoes?”, the young man grinned “Sorry dear, but I left it at his place last week, I’ll get it back” The young girl continued “Hey! That reminds me, Why do you think he called us yesterday night? Do you think he wanted to meet us?” “What? Uh oh I don’t know we’ll catch up with him later today” replied Ace distractedly and went back to attacking the eggs on his plate with enthusiasm.

Flight

“Radha! Go get the ball for us!” yelled her brother. Little Radha went scampering after the ball laughing, hoping that her brother would let her do more than just run after the ball. Nobody wanted to play with Radha, her brother was always busy with his friends running around and throwing the ball at each other. Radha didn’t want to play games with the ball. All she wanted to do was fly a wonderful kite. Yes! That’s was she really wanted to do, ever since she lost that magnificent red kite that her uncle had brought her from town, she always longed to fly a beautiful kite like that… There were just a few dozen families in the little village of Silguri. The greatest pride for the people was their post man Ramu who could read English quite well! As little Radha went scampering after the ball, she found that it had run into Kaka’s compound. Kaka was a scary old man whom all the children were scared of…Radha’s brother used to tell her, “Don’t go near Kaka’s house…He eats little children like you for breakfast!” So when Radha came near the old house in the corner of the street across their house, she was scared stiff. But she did not want to disappoint her brother who kept pulling her leg that she was ‘just a little girl’ who was ‘too scared to do anything..’ Radha held her breath and walked past the old creaky wooden gate and looked inside. She was surprised to see how beautiful the garden was that was inside the compound. There were red, yellow, orange, pink, and so many other colors that Radha had never seen before…And Radha stood there staring at the flowers, wonderstruck by its beauty. A haggard voice broke into her reverie and brought her back, “You little girl! What are you doing here?” She turned around shocked, and found herself staring at an old man with hair as white as milk and eyes as black as charcoal staring at her. In his hand he held huge black knife and little Radha had her breath sucked out of her. “No please!” She yelped. “Please don’t do anything to me! I only came to take my brother’s ball” she whimpered. She took a couple of steps backward as he came towering towards her and lifted his hand. Then, just as she thought he was about to strike her, he plucked a lilac flower from a plant nearby and handed it to her. Radha was surprised! She looked up at the old man again and saw that his eyes weren’t black but a dark shade of brown and his hair was a shade of grey and was shining in the sun making it look white…she smiled at him timidly and accepted his extended gift. He smiled down at her, reminding her of her grandpa who went away and never came back when she just a little girl. “T..thank you kaka” she mumbled, collected the ball from the ground nearby and hurried out of the place. Her brother was starting to get worried about her and scolded her when she returned “Where were you Radha? We were searching for you EVERYWHERE!” he said. Radha giggled and told him “I was at Kaka’s house and look what he gave me” smiled Radha and pranced back towards her house as the sun began to set in the horizon. Her brother stared after her shocked at her daring! ‘Hmm… ‘He wondered – ‘maybe he had underestimated his little sister after all…’. As the days rolled by Radha started going to Kaka’s house more frequently. She loved sitting around that beautiful garden and chatting away merrily to Kaka who interrupted in his own subtle way to add a comment and say a few words. It was a Monday evening when she told Kaka about the wonderful red kite that she had gotten from her uncle a year ago and mentioned as to how much she wished she could fly another kite again… When little Radha returned on the next day, Kaka called her “Radha Beti come here…I’ve got something for you”, Radha hopped towards him eager to see what he had…she loved surprises. There behind her favorite red roses lay the biggest kite she had even seen. It was the color that the sky would become after heavy rains for a couple of days in Silguri. It was bigger than the BIGGEST kite she had ever seen. In face she thought that it must have been the beautifullest and biggestest kite in the whole world! She gave Kaka a big hug and screamed out in joy. Kaka told her “Radha beti remember – Life is like a kite, as long as you have the string with you it is the most wonderful experience but, if you let the wind carry it away from you and you lose your grip from the string then it’ll just fly away with the wind…”. “Oh Kaka”, ‘Now I can fly it as High as the aaroplain in the sky” she squealed, hardly listening to his words. “Someday I’ll go in an aaroplain” she added enthusiastically. “It’s an aero plane” he corrected her softly. “Hmm… yes yes you will” added Kaka thoughtfully…

Soon Radha started school and started competing with the brother and new friends is school and Kaka was forgotten…and so was the kite. She worked hard as she’d been told and soon she was at the top of everything in school. She soon moved into the large city of Delhi and started working for a multi-national firm. The little town of Silguri had become a speck of her bygone past and she never thought about it again. She’d come a long way and had worked extremely hard to leave those wretched days behind. Little Radha had now after 20 years grown into a fine young woman with a very determined approach towards life. She was now Mrs. Radha Kulkarni and had a young son named Rohan, who was around 5 years old. Radha rushed out of the office hurrying towards the crowded masses of a hot Delhi evening. She whipped out her N93 and continued on her way, still working on a few things from office. Upon checking her mail she found that she had a reminder from Vivek that it was their son’s birthday the next day. And as he was too busy in New Zealand, he wanted her to get him a nice gift and wish him too. She hurried along to the mall nearby and walked into the toy store. “Show me something for small kids” she murmured to the girl at the reception. “How old Madam?” asked the young girl with a smile. Radha was for a second surprised to find that she couldn’t remember how old Rohan was…”Uhh around five years “she mumbled. She spent a couple of minutes looking at the array of toys that was spread across in front of her and finally just picked up the most expensive thing available and hurried outside…It had begun to drizzle and she hurried to catch a cab. She wanted to reach the airport fast because Rohan was staying with his grandparent for the holidays in Kanpur and if possible she wanted to return the next day afternoon. On her way there, the taxi driver who was an elderly man asked her “Madam…where are you going?” Radha irritated at being disturbed replied “Kanpur. Now could you drive fast please?”. The old man continued “But Madamji, there was a broadcast on the radio that all local flights were delayed due to rain… I don’t think you can make it today”. Radha was quite visibly upset to hear this and just when she was pondering over whether to call up Rohan and apologize for not being able to make it, the old man continued “Would you like to go by bus madam?”. Distracted Radha decided to go along with the driver’s suggestion partly because she was a little embarrassed as not being able to remember her son’s age. And within half an hour she was on a bus on its way to Kanpur. Just when she began to doze off, the bus shook violently and stopped. The driver appeared and said “There is a problem, the bus has fallen into a ditch and it will take a couple of hours to fix it. Please go for a walk, we are in a beautiful village right now”. Radha couldn’t believe her ears. She was exasperated and rushed out of the bus in a gust of anger, the wet mud was slippery and she slipped a little and she dropped her GUCCI handbag. “Great! This is just great!. Of all the places the bus had to break down in this wretched little dirty village“. She checked her cell and cursed her luck upon finding no reception. She walked slowly into the village and stared around at the kids playing in the mud. For some strange reason this brought a smile to her face as she saw one of them running after the ball. And then before she knew it, a sense of tremendous déjà vu came rushing at her and she realized that she was in none other but Silguri itself. The only thoughts that reminded her fondly of the place was an old man who used to talk to her, and without even realizing it, she walked slowly towards the corner of a street and walked into the now tattered courtyard. She smiled at the familiar wooden gate and the gravel on the soil but was shocked to see that the beautiful garden was not there anymore. She turned about and saw an old lady smiling at her. Radha stared at the old woman and asked pointedly “Bua…where is this Kaka who used to live here?” The old lady smiled sadly…”Oh he became dear to god a few years ago. I used to work at his place. One night he went to sleep and did not wake the next day morning…”Radha turned away surprised to find that her eyes were moist. She walked around to the back of the garden and amidst the weed, she saw piece of the most beautiful shade of blue that she’s ever seen. She picked it up with childlike excitement and found that it was the broken remains of what seemed to have been a really beautiful kite. And before she could hold herself back, tears streamed down her face. She sat down on the cold floor and sobbed like little Radha 20 years back. After a long time, she picked herself up and was surprised to see reception on her phone. As she moved towards the bus, she wrote an email to her boss:

Dear Sir,
I have some important family work with my son and will not be available for work for a week and I shall also not be available by phone. Will get back next week.

R K

And then she switched her cell phone off…

2-Jan-07

 My Quest for the star!

There are times when I stare into the empty sky and wonder as to whether is a limit to the wide expanse to the world that surrounds us? When I was a kid I used to love cycling, and I used to whizz past every patch of land I could find in the middle of the night! Yeah! Night time was my time.

Once I was riding really fast I saw that the stars were a fast moving array of confusion, one seemingly connected to another like and intricate weave of white light.

Years have passed and today when I stand the same way and stare up to the stars, there are no stars up there....only an empty expanse stared down onto me. For I have come to realize over these years that in my haste to do so many things in so little a time, I have somewhere lost my way and moved or rather drifted into a world where there are no stars. And it soon became clearer to me as to where my star had disappeared off to...I had forgotten the essense of who I was, the reason for my existence was lost amongst the dark black tresses of ignorance.

Then along my path where I lay lost confused and parched, came a cool breeze, one that I was unaccostomed to, one that I hadn't felt for a long long time...

Hmm...I wonder and turn back trying to see beyond the breeze into the flicker of light behind the curtain of smoke. And there slowly but steadily in the dark black sky did flicker - My Shining star