Phoenix

The silence - pindrop, prods at me softly (8:20PM)

Ticking me gently, I shake off my revery…
Try do I, to hide behind a curtain of deceit
But alas - life dictates judgement, inclement


I shut my eyes tight, try hard to look within
The strength to accept, forsake deceptive pride
I could trick the countless perceptions outside
But no more -  can I commit to my ego, perjure

I am, I'm certain not much worse for my kind…
Ask I - Is redemption too harsh? Judgement fair?

The answer is clear, before the question asked
What stick do you use to measure thy deeds?

You are - no , I am - what choices leave me to be
Choices of ghosts past, already entwined with fate 
Seeps in realization, for the only residual choice… 
Accept trepid days bygone or embittered turn a blind eye 


This crossroad of life, I quickly find - holds familiar foul
For this not be the first time, fate did profess this sight
But I sense a difference, within - desire, a desperate grasp
I am armed this time - with the sense of loss, true cognition


I know what I must, but again - still obscure lies the path
Muster the courage I must,  to survive this path - uncouth
The hardest step in my sight is the one of true induction
To skin oneself to bare bones and absolve - the past


Liberate the little child inside,  who still weeps cloaked
Let flow the warm tears as they cleanse the decay
Hunt down as he flees, the two-faced charlatan…
Ignite his lies, with the soft white flames of hope inside


As I watch the gleam in his eye, the fading malaise
He crumbles and falls - a puddle of soft grey ashes.
I await now - for a glimpse, a semblance of the soul
Await for the inception, ascend from the embers (9:44 PM)

Perspective

I wake up - my breath a little short (9:04AM)

I know as I look up - what comes next

My eyes ache, ever so slightly 

The head throbbing, sleep overdose

My feet touch the cold floor - it pushes back

A quiver slips down my spine, instant unease

I stand in the shower, warm water tricking down

Can't shake the unease, sense of deja vu overdose

I smile softly, nay not joy, not happiness but a grin

A cold, forced glare of teeth that shone eerily 

For I'd had enough of the monotony, the pretence

It was time to change, break the comfort of 'known'

I look around me at the life that I have ended up with… 

The seemingly bright shades begin to fade - reveal 

What lies beneath the bright paint, the real deal… 

I shake my head, clearing the sounds of the bells… 

My eyes flit across all the things that I had deemed worthy

The brightest of lights, lose colour by the second, slowly, surely

A deep breath takes away the smell of roasted coffee, fresh bread

I move on, towards the tangent of my sight away from the diminish

Time slows, for what seems like days - I walk on… determined

I feel the fatigue catching up with me, sense of loss draining me 

The whispers continue now, fainter by the second.. sight gives away

I fall softly to the floor - feel the weakening of my senses as I give way

My fingers sift through the moist soil, as I push myself up… 

A deep breath leaves me with the smell of the earth - the ground

Words echoes out to me from the dark in a faint soft whisper

"You only feel what you truly have - in a state of eternal loss" 

I smile softly now… this time a glimmer in the eyes… 

And I knew at that moment, that its going to be alright (9:26AM)

30 Dec 2012